Let’s face it, ladies. Men just aren’t that complicated. Their basic needs include food, sex, and sleep. And, chances are, they’re pickier about what’s on the dinner table than what’s happening in the bedroom. They want sex -- and they’ll take it pretty much any way you’re willing to give it. But that doesn’t mean that they always feel on top of their game when they’re on top of you. Some men need a little extra stroking (literally) when their confidence is lacking.
Giving your man’s ego a boost means he’ll feel like the strong, alpha man you desire. Let’s take a look at ten ways to boost your man’s confidence between the sheets.
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Take the Initiative
It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that men initiate sex more than three times as often as women. Men are just naturally more interested in sex than us. They want it all day, every day -- and it doesn’t take much to get them in the mood.
A woman’s mind is a busy place. Our head is constantly on the go from work and motherly obligations to household responsibilities and salvaging our own mental health. Sadly, sex usually comes in dead last on our priority list. And while this probably has zero to do with your man, he’s left feeling undesirable and inadequate. Show him that he still turns you on by making the first move.
Initiating sex with your guy doesn’t take much effort. Something as simple as a suggestive wink or wearing a new pair of underwear (or none at all) is enough to get the ball rolling. Place your hand on his thigh or brush your chest up against him. Just be prepared -- chances are he’ll pounce on you once he knows you’re down to get down!
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Plenty of Foreplay
Women are the queens of foreplay. Most ladies need some extra attention to get aroused enough for sex. It’s all about the build-up. But what about your man? If he’s feeling less than stellar in the bedroom, engage him in some naughty foreplay.
There are countless ways to do this -- both in the bedroom and before you even get there. Send him a naughty text or picture. Tell him what you want to do to him later and what you’d like done to you. Letting him know that he’s on your mind is a huge turn-on and confidence booster for your man.
It’s not uncommon for couples to get bogged down by the repetitiveness of everyday life. This mundane lifestyle can suck the fun out of any healthy relationship. Keep things fresh and fun by being flirty with your man. Whether you’ve been together for 2 years or 20, you can still be playful and sexy. Take the time to appreciate him and let him know that he turns you on.
Plus, the all-day build-up and foreplay will have you ready to rip his clothes off the minute he walks in the door. Talk about a confidence boost!
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Role-Playing and Dress Up
Touching back on what we mentioned earlier -- men aren’t that complicated. They’re also visual creatures which means the mere sight of a naked or scantily clad woman is often enough to get them sexually aroused. Now, your job is to make sure that you’re that woman!
Something as simple as a new thong or teddy is probably enough to send your guy’s confidence and libido soaring. Surprise him with a sexy new outfit (or no clothes at all) the next time you climb into bed. If you want to take things one step further, try a role-playing costume that puts him in the alpha male role, with you as the submissive. A sexy maid or nurse outfit will likely do the trick.
But, remember, you don’t have to spend all day or a lot of money investing in over-the-top, complicated outfits that will take you longer to get into than the sex session will last. A simple change from the norm will pique your man’s interest and his sex drive.
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Surprise Him in the Shower
A shocking 73% of men admit to wanting sex in the shower. Your man wants to get dirty while getting clean, so why not give him what he wants? Surprising him in the shower combines two techniques for boosting his confidence. First, you’re taking the initiative and second, you’re fulfilling one of his fantasies (more on this later).
Speaking of being clean, why is it that men tend to want morning sex more often than women? When your man rubs your shoulder suggestively or gives you that look when you first roll over, there’s one thought that probably flashes through your mind -- “I have morning breath and feel gross”. The more physically attractive a woman feels, the more interested she is in sex. Plain and simple. The ironic part is, your man doesn’t give a hoot about your morning breath or your hairstyle. He’s just horny -- and here’s why.
A man’s testosterone level is at its peak first thing in the morning. In fact, before he even opens his eyes his levels are between 25% - 50% -- the highest they’ll be all day! So, at least once in a while, give into your man’s naughty morning desires. Put your pride and ego aside and let him ravish you as the sun rises. Face it -- there are a lot worse things than having an orgasm before 7 a.m.!
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Have an Honest Conversation Outside of the Bedroom
We all feel vulnerable when we’re lying in bed naked -- even if it is with a long-term partner. Instead of bringing up your man’s shortcomings before, during, or after sex, initiate an honest conversation at an unintimidating time and place.
One of the best ways to reconnect with your man is by making small talk at the end of their day. Indulge his self-centered personality. Men are naturally egocentric. Simply letting them vent for a few minutes after they come home is a great way to get them to let their guard down. Giving them a few minutes of your undivided attention can completely change the entire course of the evening -- for the better! They’ll be much more relaxed and willing to talk if you let them bitch without interruption.
Once they feel like they’ve been heard you can bring up whatever intimacy issues you’re facing. Just be gentle and nonjudgmental. There’s no denying that most couples live a modern, high-stress lifestyle that drains both partners mentally and physically. Take a few moments to be there for your man and he’ll be much more willing to discuss more sensitive topics (like his bedroom performance) when the time comes.
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Watch Porn and Share Your Fantasies
Most couples are hesitant to share their fantasies out of fear of judgment and rejection. What if he/she thinks its weird? What if they think I really want to have a threesome or sex with another man? There are a few things to remember when talking about porn and fantasies in your relationship.
First off, there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality (that’s why it’s called a fantasy). Just because you enjoy watching threesome videos doesn’t mean you could ever engage in one in real life. The idea of your partner with someone else might be a huge turn-on, but it’s not something you want to ever see first-hand.
Don’t be afraid to share your fantasies with your man. In fact, he’ll probably love it! And porn is a great way to broach the subject. Find a porn clip or video that plays out your biggest fantasy and share it with your man. Gauge his reaction and start a conversation about what parts of the video you enjoy and what turns you on. Some of the most commonly shared fantasies include threesomes, anal sex, and submission.
If you’re not ready to dive headfirst into watching porn together, choose a sexually explicit movie that you know has plenty of steamy sex scenes. Comment on what parts of the scene were the hottest. This is a safe and unintimidating way to get the conversation started about boosting your man’s confidence in the bedroom.
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Dirty Talk
Dirty talk is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it. Some women admit to feeling silly or awkward when trying to talk dirty between the sheets. But when it comes to boosting your man’s confidence, a few four-letter words are enough to drive him crazy! And once you start, you’ll find it hard to stop.
Start off with a few harmless phrases like, “That feels good,” “Don’t stop”, or “I like that.” When you feel more comfortable, get specific and start naming body parts. A few trigger words that will really send your man’s sex drive skyrocketing include “harder”, “fuck me”, and “I’m cumming.” Plenty of panting, heavy breathing and moaning goes a long way too.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that it’s okay to be vulnerable with your man. When in doubt, just say exactly what’s on your mind. One of the biggest turn-ons is when your partner speaks their honesty in the bedroom.
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Touch Each Other Without Sex
Another great way to boost your man’s confidence is by exploring his body without having sex. Try an erotic massage or taking turns finding each other’s secret erogenous zones. Have your man lay down and completely relax. Start at his head or toes and gently work your way over every inch of his body. Touch, lick, kiss, rub -- but don’t make him cum!
Ask him what he likes. Which sensations feel good? Does he like it better when you touch him soft or rough? You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll learn about pleasing your man this way. You might even uncover an erogenous zone he didn’t even know he had! Once he’s completely aroused, be a good girl and finish him off!
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Tell Him All of Your Favorite Parts About Him
It’s far too common for women to have one (or more) parts of their physical body that they hate. Wide hips, small boobs, a big ass. We are definitely our own worst critics at times. We’re also way more vocal about it than our men.
Even though your guy rarely complains about his big stomach, hairy back, or smaller-than-average dick, trust us, it bothers him! He’s probably more self-conscious about it than you realize. This is why complimenting all the other parts of his body that you adore is a sure-fire way to boost his confidence.
Don’t try to make him feel better about the body parts you know he hates. As women, we know this never works! Instead, focus on completely different areas of his body that turn you on. Do you love his eyes, his strong hands, or his muscular chest? Tell him! Be specific and touch or caress each body part as you lavish him with compliments.
It’s important to boost your man’s ego, but avoid going overboard. If you do, the wrong head will swell.
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Introduce Sex Toys (But Ask First)
Sex toys are another fan favorite when it comes to bringing some excitement into the bedroom. There are two ways to use sex toys to your advantage when boosting your man’s confidence.
First is by surprising him. Bring your favorite vibrator to bed and let him watch you use it. Not only is this a huge turn-on for him, but you can show him exactly how you like to be touched. Then, let him try it on you! If you’re worried that bringing toys to bed will kill your man’s confidence even more, talk to him about it first.
Find out what kind of sex toys he wants to try or would like to watch you use. Sex toys are another easy way to explore each other’s fetishes and kinks. Your man will love watching you get off and being a part of the action. Every woman’s bedside table should include a clitoral vibrator, rabbit vibrator, and dildo for solo and couples fun. Cock rings are a great choice if your man is having trouble staying hard since they’re designed to give him a more powerful erection and increased stamina. The Girth Enhancement Pleasure Sleeve is another way to give you both the added girth you’ve been dreaming of.
So, there you have it! Ten simple ways to not only boost your man’s confidence in the bedroom but also deepen your connection. When your partner feels confident and sexy between the sheets, they’re more willing to please, and then, everybody wins!
April Sutphen
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