Guys, do you feel like you’re always the one making the first move? Is your girl rarely, if ever, in the mood for sex? Is she always getting a mysterious headache or not want to be touched before bed? Or she uses the phrase, “Sorry, babe, I’m just too tired.” It’s probably because she is. Don’t take it personally and know that you’re not alone. The Wall Street Journal reports that low sex drive is a major deal-breaker in relationships.
Instead of getting pissed off or impatient, take a deep breath, and keep reading! Here we’ll unlock the secret of how to get your girl in the mood and get her to put out.
Compliment Her (even when you don’t want sex)
That’s right, fellas. Don’t save the sweet talk just for when you want to get in your woman’s pants. In fact, those compliments usually wreak of ulterior motives. Instead, compliment her on a daily basis or at least a few times a week with no secret agenda other than making her feel loved, appreciated, and attractive. The sexier your girl feels about herself, the more likely she is to actually WANT to have sex. Surprise, surprise!
When it comes to delivering compliments, choose your words wisely. Things like, “Your tits look great in that dress” or “You look so fuckable right now”, don’t exactly give girls that warm and fuzzy feeling you’re after. Stick to specific compliments that don’t always surround sexuality. If you think he tits look great in her dress, try something like, “I love that dress on you.” If you notice slight changes to her appearance, tell her. Little things like, “You smell good” or “Your hair looks nice like that”, go a long way.
Keep it short and simple. You’re less likely to fuck it up that way. The best part is, if you sprinkle these compliments out over time (even when you’re NOT looking to get laid), she won’t be suspicious when you’re complimenting her while secretly fantasizing about getting her in bed.
Look Good, Feel Good (smell good)
No girl wants to sleep with a guy who doesn’t take care of himself. Taking pride in the way you look, including your hygiene, is a sure-fire way to get your girl in the mood. Stay well-groomed -- on both your heads. If you don’t want to go hunting through your girl’s bush to find her clit, chances are she doesn’t want to search through a pube forest to find your twig and berries. Take pride in your appearance. Hit the gym once in a while and lay off the beers. Although women aren’t as visually aroused as men, they still need to find you physically attractive. Avoid falling into the trap of gaining 20-40 pounds once you nail down a steady girl.
That doesn’t mean you need to dress to impress every day of the week but clean yourself up before making a move. Take a shower, shave, and brush your teeth. There’s nothing sexy about a guy with coffee breath and B.O. In fact, smell is one of our strongest senses. Invest in a high-quality cologne with undertones of citrus or clean, energizing scents -- these are the smells women respond to best. Here are some of the top colognes women find attractive. If you can’t stand the sight or smell of yourself after a few days, your girl won’t either. In fact, her legs will clamp up faster than you can say, “Wanna fool around?”
In fact, you’re more likely to get laid if you TELL her you want to have sex or what you want to do to her. She’s likely being hounded with questions all day long -- the last thing she wants is for you to ask another question.
Understand What Makes Her Tick
How much would you pay for just a few moments inside your girl’s brain? Wait, scratch that. You may not want to spend too much time in there, but it would be nice to know what she’s thinking when she brushes your hand away, shrugs off your sexual advances, or gives you that “Get the fuck away from me” look. The truth is, A LOT goes into what gets a woman in the mood. Unlike men, women need more than just a glance at your naked body to get turned on. Everything from a hormone imbalance (hello, PMS!) to drama with her girlfriends or a shitty night’s sleep can all cock block you from ever getting your girl in the mood. Is your woman also a mother? How about a mother of boys? They will literally suck the life out of her, leaving nothing for you.
First off, don’t take it personally. Nine times out of 10, it has nothing to do with you and all to do with your girl’s own stress and hormones. Start by showing you’re sympathetic to her needs. Did she have a hard day at work? Ask her about it. Let her vent for a few minutes about her bitchy coworkers or unreasonable boss. Are the kids driving her insane? Schedule a babysitter or offer to take them out while she takes a bubble bath. Earn brownie points by running the bath for her. Take on the task of getting the kids ready and off to bed. Even just giving her one hour of alone time could make all the difference. When you show your girl that you’re in tune with her needs and understand why she might not be horny, you’re halfway to her letting her guard down and letting you in her pants.
Flirt and Be Romantic
While it may seem a little cliche’, bringing back the romance in your relationship goes a long way when trying to get her girl in the mood. Women want to be wooed. Think back to how hard you tried when you were first courting your woman. You sent flowers, sweet text messages, and treated her to dinners out. Or some of you lucky guys may have been so confident and masculine that she jumped on you right away!
Then what happened? Things got complacent -- comfortable. You shouldn’t be surprised that your lack of effort directly translates to a lack of sex.
So, flashback, guys! Let’s go back to the basics.
Take her out for a romantic dinner, arrange some alone time with just the two of you, or buy her a small gift for no reason. You get out of it what you put in. Don’t expect the same level of intimacy if you’re not putting in the same level of effort.
For those of you whose relationship sprung from sexual attraction alone, my guess is you’re not physically where you were when you two first met. That might mean hitting the gym or taking pride in your daily grooming schedule or just wreaking of confidence.
If done right, you’ll sweep her right off her feet and right between the sheets!
Surprise Her with Flowers or a Small Gift
This might sound cliche, but surprising your girl with flowers is never NOT a good idea! Even if she says she doesn’t want them, she does. Read between the lines and pick up some roses or flowers on your way home from work. If you really want to make a statement order them for delivery at home or to her workplace. Girls like nothing more than showing off how thoughtful their man is. In my experience, the smallest gifts sometimes make the biggest impact.
Flowers aren’t the only way to surprise your girl and let her know she’s on your mind. Slip a cute note into her purse or on her windshield. Get creative and plan something special in the evening or on the weekend. If the cold, long winters have her feeling down, surprise her with a gift or themed summer night at home that brings back fond, warm memories of summer. Draw her a hot bath or lay rose petals on the bed. All of these simple gestures could lead to some big gains in the bedroom!
Treat Her Like a Lady
Chivalry isn’t dead. Or, if it is, we need to put it on life support! There are certain behaviors that never go out of style. Things like opening the car door for her, pulling out her chair at dinner, and draping your jacket over her shoulders when she says she’s cold. Stop being a little bitch. Even if you’re freezing, keep your mouth shut and put the jacket on her with a smile.
When you walk into the room with her, hold her proudly on your arm. Show her off like she’s a prize you won -- because she is! You probably did all of these things at the beginning of your relationship with the hopes of getting laid. So, why stop now?
Every time you go out with your lady it should be like the first date all over again. With that being said, you may not get lucky on the first night or even the next. Be patient and make plenty of time for date nights to help deepen your connection and increase your chances of getting laid! Opening her door is like opening the gateway into her heart and, hopefully, her vagina!
Be a MAN
At the end of a long day do you like to plop down on the couch, stick your hand in your pants, and let out those bodily functions you’ve been holding in all day? Well, cut that shit out! No one wants to fuck a guy who’s sloppy, smelly, and downright repulsive. There’s a time to kick back and relax but that time isn’t when you’re trying to get some ass.
Aside from just taking pride in your appearance, you need to present yourself like a man -- strong and confident. Walk with your shoulders back and your head held high. Women like dominant and assertive men. Just remember that it’s a fine line between being confident and being a cocky asshole. Don’t let your confidence go to your head or else your other one will never get any action.
Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay
Did we mention foreplay? Men, you can’t just touch your girl’s crotch and expect her to turn into a horny, dripping wet mess. Yes, sometimes when the moon and the stars align, that might happen but don’t depend on it.
Women may need plenty of soft touches, gentle kisses, massaging, and emotional stimulation before you go in for the kill. If you’re wondering how to get your girl in the mood, it’s all about the build-up. Foreplay can even start early in the day by sending romantic text messages (avoid raunchy sexting unless you know that’s what your girl’s into). Gently touch her arm, plant a soft kiss on the nape of her neck, or graze her lower back with your hand. These subtle touches all help to awaken her senses and prepare her to be aroused. But, remember, timing is everything.
One thing that’s always worked for me, whether you’re already in the bedroom or not, is to offer to give your lady a massage. But don’t just ask -- make it obvious how happy you’d be to help her unwind and relax from her tough day.
Once you get into the bedroom, truly enjoy giving the massage. If she feels like you’re enjoying it as much as her, she’s more likely to open up. Your pleasure will translate. Don’t start between her legs, but instead, start at her shoulders and slowly work your way down. Once you feel her start to unwind, you can tickle her inner thigh. Yes, massage can be foreplay!
All of this foreplay shows your woman that you’re interested in not only her pleasure and comfort but ALL of her -- not just what’s in her bra and panties. Put in the extra time to get her motor running and she won’t be able to help but give it up to you -- she may even beg for it.
Make Her Cum First
A whopping 95% of heterosexual men orgasm every time they have sex. Sadly, only 66% of women can reach their peak of sexual pleasure. Bottom line is, don’t be greedy! Although, there’s a time and a place for “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am” tactic (like in the morning before the kids wake up), it usually takes a little more finesse for a woman to orgasm. Put in a valiant effort and make her cum first.
Women are emotional creatures. Putting her satisfaction first shows her that you’re sensitive to her needs and feelings. Just like a man’s head is connected to the head in his pants, there’s a pretty direct lineage between a woman’s heart and her nether regions. Tug on her heartstrings and you might be lucky enough to tug her clothes off! Once you’ve brought her to the brink of her pleasure, she’ll be more than happy to return the favor.
Bring Her a Toy
Don’t let sex toys intimidate you. One study reported that a depressing 18% of women orgasm through intercourse alone. That’s not even a quarter of all women! Face it, the fact that she’s not cumming even when you’re giving your best performance isn’t completely on you. A lot of variables go into a woman reaching the big O from stress to hormones to the need for clitoral stimulation. Don’t take it personally. Instead, bring a toy to bed that will help things along.
All too often men feel intimated by sex toys in the bedroom. That stops now. Don’t view the toys as your competition but instead as your assistant. It means less work for you. Basically, you’d be a fool NOT to bring as many dildos and vibrators as possible into the bedroom if it means helping your girl achieve orgasm. If she knows she’s gonna get off, she’ll be more likely to jump into bed whenever you suggest it. In fact, she might even be the one to initiate sex if she knows a body-rocking orgasm is in her future.
Take Control (outside the bedroom)
Regardless of how independent your woman claims to be, she likes it when you take control -- and not just in the bedroom. The next time you’re out for a romantic meal (which should happen at least a couple of times a month), order her favorite drink when the waiter comes or have it waiting for her at the table. Go as far as to order her meal too. The same goes for when you’re out with the entire family. Take control of the situation and place everyone’s orders. It shows your assertive side. If you can take control at the dinner table, she’ll know you’re prepared to do the same between the sheets.
We get it. It can be frustrating for guys who are perpetually horny and can’t seem to get their girl in the mood for sex. Sometimes, you have to take things into your own hands (literally) just to take the edge off. If you’re looking to get laid that night, maybe spend a few extra minutes in the shower that morning and take care of business. It might just increase your odds. Before you start feeling sorry for yourself, take a step back, and think of what your woman wants and needs. I can guarantee that following just a few of these tips will dramatically increase your sex life and improve your relationship.
April Sutphen
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